A Little Leg Breaking Pays Off

We were still left with the unfinished business of the estranged husband who wanted to back out of the legally binding agreement. You could have colored me 'very unhappy'. In fact, you could have intensified the colors to 'finally pissed off'. Which I realized was a good thing. What had emerged as assertiveness with the whole process back in December had now morphed into completely-fed-up. What was that famous line from Network when everyone threw open their windows and screamed into the New York night sky? That's how I felt. I wasn't going to take it any more. Not. Any. More. So I didn't. I told my attorney I would NOT be doing any further negotiating with Bill. I said I wasn't afraid to go to trial. I was actually kind of looking forward to it. I said I would ask for sanctions against Bill, for the court to either make a decision for Bill or have a conservator assigned to him,and I also was going to enter into evidence the letter Bill wrote saying that if I didn't 'cooperate' with him in doing the divorce his way he'd be 'quite capable of running up legal fees'. I would then ask the court order 3/4 of my legal fees be taken out of his share of the settlement. My attorney typed this all up in a letter he sent out that Friday afternoon. On Monday morning I got the call saying Bill was going to sign the mediated settlement. Dang! As much as I don't like drama, I was sort of looking forward to going to trial.

Unexpected Joy

Okay, I've heard it said for many years that being a grandparent is the best. I didn't quite understand what all the fuss was about. I'm not saying I wasn't looking forward to being a grandparent. In fact, I hadn't given it much thought at all. I thought grandparenting was one of those things I would experience in the far and nebulous future. I had had some good grandparents, people whose company I enjoyed, people who I knew loved me, people who always did special things with me. Going to my grandparents' home was a special treat, and getting to go stay there without my parents was a very special treat. My grandmother always took me to cool places like Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, and a special park in her town called Dennis the Menace Park. She painted my nails and dabbed perfume behind my ears. She let me dress up in her fox stole and her slingback heels. I had terrific memories of grandparents and knew I would provide those types of memories for my grandchildren as well. When the time came. That time, I was always sure, was in the distance, not something that was going to happen soon. Then KJ was born. I quickly learned four things: 1) I would love him as much as I had loved his mother. Why didn't anyone tell me that? It didn't occur to me that I could ever love in that way again. I thought it was reserved only for my own child. 2) This love was, in some ways, more intense than the love I had had for Laura. 3) It was because: my body wasn't destroyed from pushing him out, my nipples weren't sore and on fire, I wasn't dodging streams of urine in the middle of the night while trying to change him, and I wasn't sleep-deprived. 4) The intactness of my body and mind allowed me to express feelings of awe, tenderness, and closeness in a way that wasn't impacted by the above circumstances. I have been reminded of times when my postpartum anemia and fatigue interfered with me just being able to enjoy my baby. And that's when I saw it! I can love my grandchild because the rest of me isn't being hampered. I can take that child in my arms, rock him, coo at him, tell him how wonderful he is and how much I love him, and my body is whole, my brain is operating on a decent night's sleep, and my hemoglobin count is well into the teens. Hallelujah! I get this 'Grandparenting is Wonderful' thing because I know WHY!!! And then, of course, there is that comment I have heard so often: when you're finished with the baby, you can just hand him back to his parents. A-ha! For the first two weeks I was even able to get away with saying, "I think there's something in his diapers. Maybe he needs to be changed." Ahhhhhhhhh, buh-bye, little cutie. Mommy's going to change you now.....