Bill had made three motions during the course of our domestic violence (DV) hearings. They were inappropriate for DV hearings so a date of August 17 was set for them. Laura went with me to the courthouse. This was the first time Bill showed up with legal counsel. He hired an older man on a limited scope basis. Limited scope is when an attorney makes an isolated appearance for a client without necessarily being committed to going through the entire divorce. I'm not sure why he wanted someone on limited scope. Did he want to be in complete control of his case? He told Laura he had fired other attorneys because one had wanted to put a $35,000 lien on the house and another because she wouldn't what he told her to. The third was fired for reasons unknown. The attorney who came to court had been practicing for as long as my attorney, had offices out in Norwalk, and walks with the assistance of a cane. He seemed nice enough. But how did Bill find someone out in Norwalk? He charges $300/hour. Was that an important factor? He was soft-spoken; that doesn't seem like a good match for Bill.
But the man was a bit clever. The proceedings went quite smoothly, efficiently. Bill was asking for: spousal support---we had already settled that, at least on a temporary basis. He also asked for $20,000 for his legal fees, claiming that since I had spent that thus far, he should be entitled to an equal amount. And thirdly, he wanted the court to order a forensic accountant to go over our finances to expedite a settlement. Prior to the hearing he agreed to $2500 a month in support and to table the request for the forensic accountant (it's premature). I had claimed that I couldn't make any more support payments until I went back to work. After all, the reason I didn't have a summer job was because I had turned down my usual job in order to spend what I thought was going to be his last summer with Bill. That left the amount for legal fees. My attorney argued that the reason why I had accrued so much in fees so far was because of the motions Bill had made against me that had caused me to spend so much time in court and that we would be asking for some of my fees to be taken out of Bill's portion of a final settlement. In the judge's decision, he agreed that I shouldn't pay support until I went back to work at the end of September. He also ordered me to pay $5000 in legal fees in $500 increments for 10 months starting October 1. Bill's attorney set it up -----or at least I think he did,----so that I would make the payments directly to him. This way, we avoid the inevitability of Bill firing him and pocketing the money for legal fees. I think the judge was kind to me. In rendering his decision, it was clear to me that he was saying 1)Bill needs access to legal counsel and 2) we ALL benefit when he has it. And it he was right; the hearing had be devoid of non-sequitors and inappropriate motions. His decision is something I can handle; I'll have to pick up extra work, like tutoring students or teaching a night class, but I'll be able to do it. And after 10 months, I won't have to pay the extra $500 a month. I don't think the judge likes Bill.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Taking Stock
Monday was the day Mike took us all up to the lake on his boat. As always, I treated everyone to lunch at the great and funky little country deli on the way. We got sandwiches, chips and drinks for our picnic on the boat. It was chilly; they've been having a cool summer so far and this day was no exception. It was a while before we got the nerve to blow up the innertube and let Mike start flinging us all over the lake.
On Tuesday I had lunch with Tim and Pancho. I had spent much of my senior year in high school hanging out with them. We ate at a little Basque restaurant on the north end of San Rafael. I don't remember ever having eaten there but apparently it has been there on North San Pedro Road for decades. Our lunch lasted four hours. We not only reminisced but talked about politics, teaching, traveling, etc. I don't even remember. Suddenly it was 4:15 and we all needed to leave. One thing that came up, though, was how all the preparations for the Reunion and the getting in touch on Facebook had had an unintended consequence: it had been a form of 'taking stock'. Anticipating the Reunion, getting reacquainted, learning about how we had all worked through the past forty years, had caused us all to evaluate where we were, where we'd been, where we are now, how we were being treated, and how that measures up to where we thought we should be. For me, I had had people say very sweet and positive things about their memories of me. Many former classmates had reached out to me in friendship, both as new friends and to renew old friendships. As a result, I had no longer been able to stuff down the feelings of Bill I had carried for so many years in this marriage, hurts from treacheries that had been stacking up over the years, feelings of being taken advantage of, of being used, of being someone's meal ticket, feelings of being in a relationship where I was playing on a team of one and that my spouse was the opposing team. Taking stock had forced me to admit that I was in a marriage where I was not being treated as I should.
I spent Wednesday with family, my crazy, wonderful, loving family. We swam, we ate, we had fun. Kyle was welcomed with loving arms and drew accolades from everyone. He is now accepted as one of us. He, Laura and I grew closer together and more and more comfortable in one anothers' company.
Thursday I met Marj for lunch. She wasn't a friend in high school. She was one of those extremely athletic girls of whom I was almost afraid. Her skills were daunting to me. How could anyone be able to dominate the number of sports as she had? For her, walking into the gym must have felt like she was entering her domain, a place where she experienced constant and complete success. For me, walking into the gym frequently meant walking into a place where I would experience frustration, exhaustion and defeat. My ego would be crushed, I would attempt things like flips on the trampoline and never succeed, spend days trying to throw my hips and legs over the uneven parallel bars and never be able to do it without Miss Arevelo hoisting me up. The gym was a place I often dreaded but knew I had to go every single day of school. When I was on the swim team, Marj was a ringer. She swam AAU for Mr. Lack at 6:30 in the mornings and didn't need to come to the practices after school. She jumped in at the swim meets and blew away the competition with her butterfly and breast stroke. She was a swimming machine, and did equally well in other sports. Her abilities mystified and awed me. We were cut from different cloth then. But not now. Not at our age. She and I are now 59. We're busy working, making ends meet, solving grown-up problems, and watching our bodies move into declining health. She is now a centered, level-headed, funny and compassionate woman. I don't know; she may always have been that way. Our time together is really good, and we are now friends. More on reconnections in other posts.......
On Tuesday I had lunch with Tim and Pancho. I had spent much of my senior year in high school hanging out with them. We ate at a little Basque restaurant on the north end of San Rafael. I don't remember ever having eaten there but apparently it has been there on North San Pedro Road for decades. Our lunch lasted four hours. We not only reminisced but talked about politics, teaching, traveling, etc. I don't even remember. Suddenly it was 4:15 and we all needed to leave. One thing that came up, though, was how all the preparations for the Reunion and the getting in touch on Facebook had had an unintended consequence: it had been a form of 'taking stock'. Anticipating the Reunion, getting reacquainted, learning about how we had all worked through the past forty years, had caused us all to evaluate where we were, where we'd been, where we are now, how we were being treated, and how that measures up to where we thought we should be. For me, I had had people say very sweet and positive things about their memories of me. Many former classmates had reached out to me in friendship, both as new friends and to renew old friendships. As a result, I had no longer been able to stuff down the feelings of Bill I had carried for so many years in this marriage, hurts from treacheries that had been stacking up over the years, feelings of being taken advantage of, of being used, of being someone's meal ticket, feelings of being in a relationship where I was playing on a team of one and that my spouse was the opposing team. Taking stock had forced me to admit that I was in a marriage where I was not being treated as I should.
I spent Wednesday with family, my crazy, wonderful, loving family. We swam, we ate, we had fun. Kyle was welcomed with loving arms and drew accolades from everyone. He is now accepted as one of us. He, Laura and I grew closer together and more and more comfortable in one anothers' company.
Thursday I met Marj for lunch. She wasn't a friend in high school. She was one of those extremely athletic girls of whom I was almost afraid. Her skills were daunting to me. How could anyone be able to dominate the number of sports as she had? For her, walking into the gym must have felt like she was entering her domain, a place where she experienced constant and complete success. For me, walking into the gym frequently meant walking into a place where I would experience frustration, exhaustion and defeat. My ego would be crushed, I would attempt things like flips on the trampoline and never succeed, spend days trying to throw my hips and legs over the uneven parallel bars and never be able to do it without Miss Arevelo hoisting me up. The gym was a place I often dreaded but knew I had to go every single day of school. When I was on the swim team, Marj was a ringer. She swam AAU for Mr. Lack at 6:30 in the mornings and didn't need to come to the practices after school. She jumped in at the swim meets and blew away the competition with her butterfly and breast stroke. She was a swimming machine, and did equally well in other sports. Her abilities mystified and awed me. We were cut from different cloth then. But not now. Not at our age. She and I are now 59. We're busy working, making ends meet, solving grown-up problems, and watching our bodies move into declining health. She is now a centered, level-headed, funny and compassionate woman. I don't know; she may always have been that way. Our time together is really good, and we are now friends. More on reconnections in other posts.......
Getting Outta Dodge
With Kyle being on stress-leave from work, thanks to an insecure and difficult boss, and Laura being finished with school, there were no real compelling reasons to hang around town anymore. We had had our court date, I had embarked on the daunting task of packing and chronicling all his possessions, it was summer and I had no job. Why not? Laura really wanted Kyle to meet the fam, and this is definitely the time of year to go north. They were able to get one of their dogs to Kyle's brothers but we needed to take the three other ones with us. I wanted to stay longer. I wanted to take two cars so they could go back home when Kyle had his next doctor's appointment. They didn't like that idea AT ALL. We talked, appointments were changed, dates blocked out, and we headed for Sonoma County. Three drivers make the trip easier, and I was the only designated backseat driver. It was a comfy drive. We let Maya, the Staffornshire terrier, out of her cage for snuggling with whoever was in the backseat. We arrived on Friday evening in time to spend a good amount of time with Mark before he left for Idaho. Beth had planned on going with him but got rehired by the Census Bureau for a third round of Count the Americans, so she had to bow out of the trip at the last minute.
I slept with Beth in the loft above Mark's office while Laura and Kyle slept in the loft in the cottage. Haley had taken to sleeping on the cottage couch, and they got along famously. We introduced Kyle to Haley as a 'different Kyle', not the one who is her cousin. For the entire time, she called him Different Kyle. He was very comfortable with her. She is so like his uncle Manny that he's not the least be phased by her. He could tune into the questions and perseverations she had and understood her need to freeze frames and look at minutiae in her videos. Having Laura and Kyle sleep together was a bit of awkward moment for me. I had told them they couldn't sleep together in Idaho but hadn't thought about it for Petaluma. Mark didn't object, but if I had remembered it for even a moment before, I would have told them they would have to sleep in separate places out of respect for Beth and Mark. I think I dodged a bullet.
I slept with Beth in the loft above Mark's office while Laura and Kyle slept in the loft in the cottage. Haley had taken to sleeping on the cottage couch, and they got along famously. We introduced Kyle to Haley as a 'different Kyle', not the one who is her cousin. For the entire time, she called him Different Kyle. He was very comfortable with her. She is so like his uncle Manny that he's not the least be phased by her. He could tune into the questions and perseverations she had and understood her need to freeze frames and look at minutiae in her videos. Having Laura and Kyle sleep together was a bit of awkward moment for me. I had told them they couldn't sleep together in Idaho but hadn't thought about it for Petaluma. Mark didn't object, but if I had remembered it for even a moment before, I would have told them they would have to sleep in separate places out of respect for Beth and Mark. I think I dodged a bullet.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Boards
Laura's board date was set for August 5. I was her model and of course I was supposed to be in a workshop at my school that day. But hey! What's my priority here? My kid, of course. The testing was being done in Glendale and we knew we wanted to stay in a hotel nearby so we wouldn't have to deal with morning traffic. The beauty school had provided us with names, and we chose the least expensive. We got a room for $89. I put it on a credit card. Dealing with the debt is something I'll just have to do. And anyway, my newest saying is, "It's only money".
Laura had to be at the building for the state Board of Cosmetology and Barbering at 7:15 a.m. She was up early and scouted it all out. She had to rent a kit from a 'kit store'. Now there's a nice little business! These 'kits' are packed in very large rolling pieces of soft luggage. Inside there are about 10 containers plus scissors, a curling iron, shaving cream, towels, soaps, combs, liquids and towels, towels and more towels. There's even a mesh laundry bag for the towels after they're used. Everything the testing candidate needs is in that kit.
It was your basic non-descript government building in the style I refer to as California Stark. On the fourth floor were five very large rooms. Each room had eight stations. Each station had a client's chair, counter, mirror, hairdryer, manicure table, and a stool. As a model, I was instructed to be silent, not to help or speak to the testee, and not to read the notebook of procedures they had to follow. It was so quiet in there, it was hard to tell anyone else was in the room----or the building for that matter. The examiner stood at a large rolling podium. The barbering candidates were in the room directly across from us, and I could see them from my seat. Sometimes I would look up and they'd be giving their models a shave or a hair relaxer, and other times I'd turn and the entire room would be empty. When did they leave? Where did they go? I hadn't heard a voice or rustling or the sound of feet coming or going. This silent thing was almost eerie.
At 7:45 the examiner unlocked a closet in the testing room, took out eight numbered notebooks, and distributed them to the eight stations. We were at Station #8, so Laura was given notebook #8. Then the test began. To mimic chemicals, shaving cream is applied to the hair. I was grateful for that since Laura's first procedure was to relax my hair and give it a 'virgin bleach'. Several procedures-----or 'services'----later, it was 10:20 and the examiner announced it was break time. By then I had shaving cream all over my head, one foot pedicured with bright red polish and an acrylic nail on my left pointer finger, also done in the bright red. I hadn't known we were going to have a break, but Laura and I got to go to take my shaving-creamed self to a nearby shop for coffee. At 10:40 the testing resumed and this time, instead of doing procedures for another 2 1/2 hours, Laura only had to do them for an hour. It was during this time that I got my haircut. I was able to guess what her instructions had been: do a scissor guideline with a razor cut. Since Laura had done a practice cut on me in the hotel the night before, my hair was quite a bit shorter by lunch time.
When the procedures were over there was no break, even though it was what most people would consider lunchtime. Laura finished before anyone else in the room. I know that can be a sign of someone doing really well or really poorly; it never means they were in the middle.
I went back to the hotel to shower, get the shaving cream out of my hair and lose my acrylic nail. I asked the person at the desk if I could have a later check-out but he said they were all booked and I would need to get out by 1:00. No swim for me. I showered, packed up all our things, and loaded them into the car.
Fortunately, the hotel backed up to a beautiful outdoor mall. I went over there and windowshopped, not a favorite pasttime, but it was a way of passing the afternoon until I heard from Laura that it was time to pick her up. She called in about a half hour. She was at the hotel and needed to wait until 2:45 to go back to the Board offices to get her results. The girl testing at Station #7 had also stayed at our hotel and had given Laura a ride back.
At 2:45 we went back and I waited in the car while she went up to the fourth floor to find out how she had done. About twenty minutes later she came down running, leaping and waving a paper. She not only had passed but they had given her her license right then and there, with her photo on it and all. What an exciting moment! What a great day! My daughter was now a licensed cosmetologist.
Laura had to be at the building for the state Board of Cosmetology and Barbering at 7:15 a.m. She was up early and scouted it all out. She had to rent a kit from a 'kit store'. Now there's a nice little business! These 'kits' are packed in very large rolling pieces of soft luggage. Inside there are about 10 containers plus scissors, a curling iron, shaving cream, towels, soaps, combs, liquids and towels, towels and more towels. There's even a mesh laundry bag for the towels after they're used. Everything the testing candidate needs is in that kit.
It was your basic non-descript government building in the style I refer to as California Stark. On the fourth floor were five very large rooms. Each room had eight stations. Each station had a client's chair, counter, mirror, hairdryer, manicure table, and a stool. As a model, I was instructed to be silent, not to help or speak to the testee, and not to read the notebook of procedures they had to follow. It was so quiet in there, it was hard to tell anyone else was in the room----or the building for that matter. The examiner stood at a large rolling podium. The barbering candidates were in the room directly across from us, and I could see them from my seat. Sometimes I would look up and they'd be giving their models a shave or a hair relaxer, and other times I'd turn and the entire room would be empty. When did they leave? Where did they go? I hadn't heard a voice or rustling or the sound of feet coming or going. This silent thing was almost eerie.
At 7:45 the examiner unlocked a closet in the testing room, took out eight numbered notebooks, and distributed them to the eight stations. We were at Station #8, so Laura was given notebook #8. Then the test began. To mimic chemicals, shaving cream is applied to the hair. I was grateful for that since Laura's first procedure was to relax my hair and give it a 'virgin bleach'. Several procedures-----or 'services'----later, it was 10:20 and the examiner announced it was break time. By then I had shaving cream all over my head, one foot pedicured with bright red polish and an acrylic nail on my left pointer finger, also done in the bright red. I hadn't known we were going to have a break, but Laura and I got to go to take my shaving-creamed self to a nearby shop for coffee. At 10:40 the testing resumed and this time, instead of doing procedures for another 2 1/2 hours, Laura only had to do them for an hour. It was during this time that I got my haircut. I was able to guess what her instructions had been: do a scissor guideline with a razor cut. Since Laura had done a practice cut on me in the hotel the night before, my hair was quite a bit shorter by lunch time.
When the procedures were over there was no break, even though it was what most people would consider lunchtime. Laura finished before anyone else in the room. I know that can be a sign of someone doing really well or really poorly; it never means they were in the middle.
I went back to the hotel to shower, get the shaving cream out of my hair and lose my acrylic nail. I asked the person at the desk if I could have a later check-out but he said they were all booked and I would need to get out by 1:00. No swim for me. I showered, packed up all our things, and loaded them into the car.
Fortunately, the hotel backed up to a beautiful outdoor mall. I went over there and windowshopped, not a favorite pasttime, but it was a way of passing the afternoon until I heard from Laura that it was time to pick her up. She called in about a half hour. She was at the hotel and needed to wait until 2:45 to go back to the Board offices to get her results. The girl testing at Station #7 had also stayed at our hotel and had given Laura a ride back.
At 2:45 we went back and I waited in the car while she went up to the fourth floor to find out how she had done. About twenty minutes later she came down running, leaping and waving a paper. She not only had passed but they had given her her license right then and there, with her photo on it and all. What an exciting moment! What a great day! My daughter was now a licensed cosmetologist.
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