Taking Stock

Monday was the day Mike took us all up to the lake on his boat. As always, I treated everyone to lunch at the great and funky little country deli on the way. We got sandwiches, chips and drinks for our picnic on the boat. It was chilly; they've been having a cool summer so far and this day was no exception. It was a while before we got the nerve to blow up the innertube and let Mike start flinging us all over the lake.

On Tuesday I had lunch with Tim and Pancho. I had spent much of my senior year in high school hanging out with them. We ate at a little Basque restaurant on the north end of San Rafael. I don't remember ever having eaten there but apparently it has been there on North San Pedro Road for decades. Our lunch lasted four hours. We not only reminisced but talked about politics, teaching, traveling, etc. I don't even remember. Suddenly it was 4:15 and we all needed to leave. One thing that came up, though, was how all the preparations for the Reunion and the getting in touch on Facebook had had an unintended consequence: it had been a form of 'taking stock'. Anticipating the Reunion, getting reacquainted, learning about how we had all worked through the past forty years, had caused us all to evaluate where we were, where we'd been, where we are now, how we were being treated, and how that measures up to where we thought we should be. For me, I had had people say very sweet and positive things about their memories of me. Many former classmates had reached out to me in friendship, both as new friends and to renew old friendships. As a result, I had no longer been able to stuff down the feelings of Bill I had carried for so many years in this marriage, hurts from treacheries that had been stacking up over the years, feelings of being taken advantage of, of being used, of being someone's meal ticket, feelings of being in a relationship where I was playing on a team of one and that my spouse was the opposing team. Taking stock had forced me to admit that I was in a marriage where I was not being treated as I should.

I spent Wednesday with family, my crazy, wonderful, loving family. We swam, we ate, we had fun. Kyle was welcomed with loving arms and drew accolades from everyone. He is now accepted as one of us. He, Laura and I grew closer together and more and more comfortable in one anothers' company.

Thursday I met Marj for lunch. She wasn't a friend in high school. She was one of those extremely athletic girls of whom I was almost afraid. Her skills were daunting to me. How could anyone be able to dominate the number of sports as she had? For her, walking into the gym must have felt like she was entering her domain, a place where she experienced constant and complete success. For me, walking into the gym frequently meant walking into a place where I would experience frustration, exhaustion and defeat. My ego would be crushed, I would attempt things like flips on the trampoline and never succeed, spend days trying to throw my hips and legs over the uneven parallel bars and never be able to do it without Miss Arevelo hoisting me up. The gym was a place I often dreaded but knew I had to go every single day of school. When I was on the swim team, Marj was a ringer. She swam AAU for Mr. Lack at 6:30 in the mornings and didn't need to come to the practices after school. She jumped in at the swim meets and blew away the competition with her butterfly and breast stroke. She was a swimming machine, and did equally well in other sports. Her abilities mystified and awed me. We were cut from different cloth then. But not now. Not at our age. She and I are now 59. We're busy working, making ends meet, solving grown-up problems, and watching our bodies move into declining health. She is now a centered, level-headed, funny and compassionate woman. I don't know; she may always have been that way. Our time together is really good, and we are now friends. More on reconnections in other posts.......