Growing Daily

Every day I have to have my 'grandma time' with KJ. I sit in the rocker, the chair the family built for Bill's great-grandfather when he was very old, and I rock that baby. I look down in his little angelic face and my heart is filled with a warmth and contentment I cannot describe. A day without 'grandma time' is a day gone wrong. It is incomplete. And unacceptable. That warmth, that slow building of endorphins in my system, is just what I felt when I held Laura so many years ago. It makes everything feel right. I had forgotten that kind of love. And there are moments, moments when I'm holding him, that I think 'this is how I felt when I held Laura but back then I couldn't let all of these feelings rush over me like I can now. I was so tired. I was always thinking about what I had to do next. I was working. There was too much getting in the way of me just letting go and loving her. My body hurt. My breasts hurt. My back hurt. And I had postpartum anemia.' This grandma stuff, I get it now. It's a mother's love without obstructions. I can really get into this!