I write this blog as a way of getting through a difficult divorce with a difficult man who was the love of my life but turned out to be bipolar, self-absorbed and controlling. After being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he told me he had never stopped gambling, an addiction that had caused us a lot of pain in our earlier years. This led to me filing dissolution papers before he had a chance to run up any more debts against community property.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Allowing Help
With Bill's estate still unsettled, my driveway full of his stuff, and now Dad's death, I was starting to feel overwhelmed. There was so much minutiae on so many levels. And then there was all that stuff! Dad's stuff, Bill's stuff. It was everywhere. I didn't know what to do with it. In expressing condolences, one friend had suggested our book and Bible study come over and help pack things for me. My first inclination was to politely decline. Then I thought how challenging cleaning out and ridding myself of things is. I waited several days and then took her up on her offer. Our book group was meeting two days later. We discussed it. I told them I would have coffee and donuts for them. I said nine a.m. to noon. I needed a plan. Keep it simple; don't overdo it: empty Dad's dresser and closet, and clean the driveway of Bill's clothes and household goods. By the time Saturday rolled around I had lists for everyone as well as boxes for prescriptions, medical supplies, glasses and wristwatches. I also gave everyone a list of lost items I hoped we could find. I was prepared. They showed up. Three people came from church, Laura and Carmi were here, and six ladies came from the book group. By noon, the job was done. I felt an enormous load had been lifted off of me. I will be forever grateful to these people for their help. The job would have been more than I could have handled if I had attempted it any time within the next four months. I am tremendously relieved. Carmi agreed to stay at the house and wait for the truck from the donation center to come by, load and haul off everything while I drove Laura and KJ back to their apartment. The truck didn't arrive until almost 2:30. We were just about their last stop as they finished the circuit of pick-ups that would lead them back to the thrift store. The driver was tired and in a bad mood. He didn't want to take anything. I had been told that whatever they picked up would be at the driver's discretion. Carmi pleaded with the driver's assistant. These were really good items, she said, and the rain was coming soon and would destroy them all if they were left outside. Something she said touched the assistant's heart, and they loaded almost all. What little was left, I loaded in my car. I will stop by the store this week to drop them off and pick up the receipts for my taxes. I had typed up a note asking for certain receipts. I know the law. I know what I need when I file my taxes. The driver gave something to Carmi and said it was all I needed. He lied, of course. But the day had been a success and I was content.
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