Limbo

The divorce has been on hiatus, or on the back burner, for some time now. I like the absence of drama and contentious interactions. I don't miss the bullying and taunting emails my attorney forwards to me from Bill. What I DO like is living my life free of another's demands and persnickety behavior. I don't miss the sense of always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the revelation of the latest treachery, for the next insult or instance of bad behavior. I am relieved that I don't have to protect my father from insults or mistreatment. Things could have ended up worse than they did. I am so thankful that it never got to the point where my father was the subject of any abuse, and am even more thankful that my restraining order also has my father named on it.

Since Thanksgiving came last week, I spent time thinking about all for which I am thankful, and the list is long. I am blessed. I am thankful. Even for the little innocuous things. I have most recently started saying that I love my life. And I really do. Do I like having to pay $2500 in spousal support? Do I like paying my attorney obscene sums of money? No. But the end result, my freedom, is priceless. Sorry to sound corny. My freedom is priceless. Whatever it costs me to have this, is worth it. I know people stay in unhappy relationships because they are afraid of the financial implications a divorce might bring. Let me just say----"Don't let that motivate you to stay." If you are fighting an uphill battle, if you feel like you don't know when the next curveball is coming, if you are living in a world where you can't feel comfortable, where your friends or family can't come in and put up their feet, then I feel sorry for you. I have discovered that nothing is more valuable than living a life where you feel you are doing the right thing, living life the way you feel it should be lived, unfettered by the capricious behavior and 'rules' of another, and laughing and enjoying yourself. There is no price tag on that. There is no material trapping that can replace that. I am not a huge advocate for divorce. But sometimes it is not only necessary, it opens the door to a life that is much better than the one you have been leading.