Dream #3

My dream life has calmed down over the past week, thankfully, but not before I had a third dream about Bill. If I had thought Dream #2 recapped a big issue, Dream #3 outdid it big time. Dream #3 seemed to hit several issues and, as I look back on it, one element it highlighted was my need to connect with like-minded people in whom I have trust. The dream started with me completing a school year somewhere abroad. Apparently I was working away from home for the ten months of school and then returning home in late June. The dream opened with me in bed with one of my coworkers. A female co-worker who is gay. But there was no physical contact. I'm not gay. I've never even been the slightest bit curious about intimacy with other women. The fact that there was no physical contact was clear in the dream. This woman has always been kind and supportive of me in my real life and she was the same in the dream. Did it make me uncomfortable to have dreamt about being in bed with another woman? Yes. Do I know what it all means? No. Do I think I might have a lesbian relationship in my future? No. If you don't have the ganas, you don't have the ganas. Y no tengo ganas de ser intima con otra mujer. I arrived back at my home where my husband, Bill, had been left in charge of the household, the pets, the bills and our daughter. When I came in, the house seemed chaotic. It was messy; even the drapes were askew. White gauzy curtains and their rods were hanging diagonally in the windows. How long ago the rods had come down at one end was not apparent. The carpet was a speckled gray and unraveling in random places. I asked Bill if he had paid certain bills. He answered yes to some and no to others. He seemed to show little affect regarding them. The dogs were in the house and they were having accidents on the carpets. Bill was saying that was okay, he'd wash the spots with Nature's Miracle, he'd take some sections of the carpet outside to clean, it was no problem. I went outside to find Laura. She was sleeping around a supporting post under the front porch. She was where the dogs were supposed to be. The dogs were in the house where she was supposed to be. I was saddened and upset. Why hadn't my husband been able to take care of the home and our child while I was away working to support us? I didn't see it as an unreasonable responsibility and, after all, it was an agreement we had made together. He hadn't upheld his end. He wasn't bothered by that. I was distressed. I was hurt that our child had been neglected and angry at myself for not having been there for her. I found myself talking to our neighbor, Jim. He seemed to understand. The dream ended with me finding a like-minded soul in my neighbor. In reality, I enjoy talking to Jim. He has a nice sense of humor and is very responsible. He has lived next door for 15 years. During that time he had a live-in girlfriend for 11 years who turned out to be anorexic and died suddenly on the elliptical trainer at the gym. She'd deprive herself of food and then spend two hours a night working out. She always looked like she was in a hurry. She didn't seem to be able to relax. Three years later, Jim married. His new wife was connecting with neighbors and he was becoming more interactive with all of us on the street. But he decided he had made a mistake and divorced her. He likes his private space. His home is his sanctuary. He is extremely clean and is a minimalist. But somehow in this dream, I found comfort in talking to him. Let me see if I can put into words another element of this dream. In it I am able to connect with people who seem sympathetic and supportive. But when I look at who those individuals really are, I see that this could only exist on a surface level. The larger issue for me, I think, is that it is far more difficult to count on someone and feel supported with them when your lives are intertwined by various commitments. Bill, too, was supportive and compassionate when we first met. I could tell him anything and felt he was 'there' for me. He was in my corner. He rescued me. But he couldn't go the distance and be there for me all the time. He lacked a consistency that existed despite love. He just couldn't do it continually.