Same Title / New Meaning

The original title of this blog was meant to bid farewell to my husband. Since then life has taken a sharp turn and is now headed in a direction completely foreign to the one it was taking when I started writing. What was a time of uncertainty and insecurity is no more. Now is a time of new beginnings. The element of the unknown for me is still huge but the piece that included fear and anger is gone. I don't wonder how I will survive the next month or year or how I will pay my bills. The man who was my husband is now dead. My father has passed away. I have retired from my job. My daughter is married. I have become a grandmother. I have free time. My stress has been greatly reduced. I don't have to worry about money. I can travel. I can be generous. So, with that in mind, I see that the title of this blog can stay the same but the underlying meaning is changed. I can bid farewell to the old life, to the old way of living, to the lifestyle I had for thirty-seven years in teaching, to the life I had with Bill, to the life of a working parent, and to the lifestyle of an adult daughter with an elderly parent in her home. I see the tenor and tone of my life moving in a new and positive direction. The goodbye is no longer borne out of anger, misunderstanding and betrayal. The goodbye now can be gentle and tender. It is more like the kind of goodbye you give when you are turning, smiling and waving over your shoulder instead of the kind when you're slamming the door so hard you're making the windows rattle. This is a new chapter. I am excited about my future. I can have adventures and travels. I can do what I want and not what circumstances dictate. I can finally examine what my dreams are and how I can pursue them. The notion that teased me for years was: What are your dreams? I don't know. What are your dreams? I can't torment myself with dreaming. I can't go after them anyway. I have to work. I have bills to pay. And later when the same question came up, the answer would be: I have bills to pay and I have Bill to pay. I have an aging parent in my home. My dreams aren't thoughts for me to entertain. But now those impediments are gone. I can entertain thoughts of my dreams. I can address them and act on them. It is indeed a time of new beginnings and a enticing future. I will rejoice and be grateful for the new life ahead. This blog will still be, at least for a while, 'Saying Goodbye to You'. It's just that the 'you' has changed. The 'you' is no longer a person or persons, it is a way of life to which I bid farewell. And gladly.