25th

April 30th would have been the 25th wedding anniversary for me and Bill. Although not wanting to think about it, I did. I wasn't overcome by waves of sadness. There were no large or overwhelming feelings, but I found myself reflecting back not so much on the wedding itself but on the regrets I have about things I didn't do and things I let go uncontested during the marriage. Of the faults I have in regard to the demise of that relationship, I now believe that the biggest one was that of not letting Bill know when something was unacceptable to me. It should come as no surprise to anyone that was also my biggest downfall in my first marriage. Biggest fault times two means I have to unearth what drives this in me. I think I know. I think that somehow I came to marriage feeling I couldn't ask for anything for myself and that if I confronted my husband on inappropriate or what I would consider unacceptable behavior, I would be a bitch. Somewhere I developed a thinking that said nice girls don't scold their husbands.