When I was in court and the judge threw Bill, the terminal cancer patient, out of the house and gave me possession of it, I was very surprised. I knew I was also in a big fight, a fight with the person who had been the love of my life and had been my soulmate for a quarter of a century. I was learning that passing a certain time period in marriage did not guarantee that marriage's success. I had always promised myself that I wouldn't look at marriage as an endurance contest. I promised myself that I would never be so proud that I would tout my years of marriage as an accomplishment if that marriage wasn't making me happy. With that in mind, it should be no surprise that I forgot many of our wedding anniversaries. That day in court was only the beginning of a lot of grief, both emotionally and financially.
When the judge set down his decision, I was stunned. I had already started to see that this 'law thing' was a new world for me, a world I didn't understand. This world had a language and a set of rules all its own, and those rules in particular defied my sense of logic. I was sure the judge was going to rule against me because Bill had cancer. I had already started thinking about where I would look for an apartment or a condo where Dad and I could live. I thought the judge would deem us the healthy, mobile ones, and Bill the one least capable of setting up a new living environment on his own. Cancer would trump old age, I thought. Forget the lies Bill had told him about me. I thought the judge would buy the cancer card. I was already mentally packing.
When the decision was rendered, my attorney grabbed my hand and said, "You've won. You've been completely vindicated!" I went out of the courtroom and sat on the bench. I called Laura. Sobbing, I told her that no matter how much I have to go through to get this divorce, she was worth all of it. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and for that reason alone, I was glad I had been in what had been a tough and unsatisfying marriage for 22 years.
Now that she lives with me, I am able to see the person she has become. She has his self-confident spirit. She stands up for herself and, dare I say, I think she has the upper hand in the relationship with Kyle. She is not a wallflower; she's assertive and doesn't take anybody's bull. She can return things at a store. She can argue with customer service, she can argue with anyone she feels is worth it. She's pretty good at recognizing a fool when she sees one, and expresses herself appropriately and exceedingly well. These are the qualities she gets from Bill. Physically she has his eyes, his mouth and his hair. She's smart but doesn't test well and didn't feel she was ready for college when she graduated from high school, much to my dismay. These are also reminiscent of Bill.
How does she resemble her mother? What of ME is in her? She has my coloring. She is tall like I am, taller in fact (probably all those hormone-laden foods, no?). In fact, she has my mother's skin. She can't get a tan no matter what she does. She battles with her weight. In fact, she is an inch taller than I am and is 30 pounds heavier. But I don't bug her about her weight. I don't want her to have negative issues about her body. But she's heavy and it is slightly uncomfortable for me to see her that way. She likes to look good. She always wears make-up. She is friendly and great with kids. I love to hear her talking to the children. I wish I had had that good a way with children when I was 21. She is a professional through and through. I am extremely proud of her. Did I get to the part where I tell how she resembles me? I don't think so. It's too close for me to get a thorough perspective.
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