Tuesday Dinner

Laura colored one of my friends' roots. As she was walking my friend out to the car:

Dad: I didn't think she'd ever stop talking.

Kyle: Now, why would you say that?

Dad: She sat there for over an hour and didn't stop talking. Didn't you see it?

Me: Gee, Dad, you say that like it's a bad thing. (Comment gets ignored.)

Kyle: Why would you say that? Your daughter has told you it hurts her feelings when you say that about her friends. It's her house and she feels like she can't have her friends over.

Dad: So now who are YOU? Shall we get a couch here and you analyze me?

Me: You're missing the point, Dad. You say this about every one of my friends and it hurts my feelings.

Dad: (to Kyle) I resent that.

Kyle: Are you serving cheese with that wine?

Me: Let me bring the wine.


Is the futility of a negative mindset lost on my dad? What does he hope to accomplish by saying that about my friends? Does his not being the center of attention activate his mean-bone? Is this an example of his frustration with 1)not being the center of attention and 2)not being---due to his failing mind and poor hearing---able to keep up with the conversation?

Tonight Kyle and Laura talked it over with me. We have agreed that, from now on, when I have a friend over, I will tell Dad: "My friend, ____, is coming over. You are welcome to join us but we are going to talk a lot and you won't be in control of the conversation. If you don't like how much they talk, I don't want to hear it from you. If you don't want to join us, I'll understand, and Carmi can give you your dinner in the living room. If you try it tonight and the experience is too unpleasant for you, you don't have to join us in the future." It sounds a little tough but I have to make these boundaries with him or I will find myself living in a household with someone who has made capricious rules with which I don't want to comply. And I just got myself out of that kind of a relationship in my home. I owe it to myself not to let it happen again.