The school district scheduled a furlough day for us for Friday, November 12. I thought that was a good idea considering that Thursday the 11th was a holiday. When I first heard of this four-day weekend, I thought it would be a good time to do a road trip to Oregon with Marj. But that didn't turn out and I decided to take the four days and go up to see the fam in NorCal. Kyle's birthday was on Sunday the 14th, and Laura informed me that there would be no traveling on a birthday. So I took off the Monday so we wouldn't be driving back home on Kyle's birthday.
The kids picked me up right after school on Wednesday and we headed up I-5. We made decent time and got to Beth's around 10 pm. We had to stop at the grocery store first. Beth had a miserable cold and on the drive up Kyle announced that he thought he was coming down with a cold. I began to wonder whether or not I was going to be able to dodge that particular bullet. Beth had felt so awful that she had gone to bed before we arrived. Mark was in Idaho and Haley was in a little production of Peter Pan for which Beth had helped do the choreography. The performances were that weekend and Beth was mired in driving Haley to and from the final ---- and very long--- rehearsals. We didn't realize it ahead of time, but we weren't going to see much of Beth that weekend. When we were at the house, she was at a rehearsal or performance with Haley, and the times she was at home she was either sleeping or we were away.
On Thursday Laura, Kyle and I took the ferry into San Francisco. It was a stunningly beautiful day. That city is so gorgeous when the sun is out! I was meeting my friend Tim for lunch. I wanted Laura and Tim to meet but didn't want to put Laura and Kyle in an awkward situation where they would sit around at lunch and have to listen to old stories from our high school years. I thought a few minutes together, just casual and unpressured, would be best.
On Friday we had a little luncheon for five of us who went to high school together. We weren't people who hung out together in high school but somehow we assembled for lunch at Marj's house in Novato.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
REALLY??
This is my first day in a long time where I had complete control over what I did. I wasn't visiting anyone, I didn't have any appointments, I didn't have to drive anyone anywhere, and the one party I was to attend was too far away and the weather was supposed to be stormy. I didn't ride my bike because it was so cold and my knees have been a little quirky since my last ride. I don't think I have been as conscientious about warming up and cooling own as I should be, especially considering my age. I know that if I mess up my knees, they'll never be 'right' and I will struggle with exercise for the rest of my life. So today I didn't ride; instead, I did Pilates in the evening. I need to do the Pilates more anyway because it is the only exercise that flattens my stomach and keeps any semblance of a waistline on me. Left only to bike riding, my body starts looking weird, sort of like a barrel with no backside. I sat around in my bathrobe until almost noon. I went outside and cut roses for the kitchen table-----in my bathrobe. There is something so precious about being able to control my time. I wonder if that is something common to people who have to work. This afternoon I tackled the dreaded pile of filing. I cleaned up my filing drawer, rehung the guides and the existing files, and then I was all ready to file the papers that had been stacking up for over six months. There is still more filing to do, but I am feeling victorious. The files should be all put away by Thanksgiving. How exciting!
Yesterday was payday again. My attorney had submitted the necessary paperwork for Bill to be paid his money twice a month instead of on the first of every month. The secretary put a note in my mailbox saying she had my paycheck. When I picked it up, it was small again. I thought, "WHAT???" I looked on the stub. They had taken another payment out for Bill!!! So, whoever got the new order, didn't read the fine print that said the two payments a month should start on December 1. Now I have paid Bill $3750 for the month of November. Will I ever get that extra $1250 back? Not a chance.
I called my attorney and told him what had happened. He told me to call the person in charge of payroll at the district. I called the person, a guy with a really unusual name, Rsk Rsk. I left a message on his phone at 10:00 a.m. He didn't call back. I called again at 2:30, still no answer. I almost feel sorry for him when he finally has to talk to me. I am losing my patience with this whole payroll warrant thing. When Bill's attorney takes my deposition on December 9, I'm going to ask him what the HELL he was trying to do when he went and had the spousal support payments taken out of my payroll. I will also tell him that I will be asking that my attorney's fees for undoing that screw-up be charged to Bill. I am angry. This all was unnecessary.
At this point in time, I have been 'celibate' for six months. All of a sudden, this has become a physiological challenge. I hope it's just a phase I am going through. I don't have a big sex drive. After all, I'm almost sixty. On the other hand, though, I have been continually sexually active for over thirty five years. I had no problem with this predicament until a few days ago. Now I don't know what to do. In time, I am sure, I will get used to this. Right now it's a little tough.
Yesterday was payday again. My attorney had submitted the necessary paperwork for Bill to be paid his money twice a month instead of on the first of every month. The secretary put a note in my mailbox saying she had my paycheck. When I picked it up, it was small again. I thought, "WHAT???" I looked on the stub. They had taken another payment out for Bill!!! So, whoever got the new order, didn't read the fine print that said the two payments a month should start on December 1. Now I have paid Bill $3750 for the month of November. Will I ever get that extra $1250 back? Not a chance.
I called my attorney and told him what had happened. He told me to call the person in charge of payroll at the district. I called the person, a guy with a really unusual name, Rsk Rsk. I left a message on his phone at 10:00 a.m. He didn't call back. I called again at 2:30, still no answer. I almost feel sorry for him when he finally has to talk to me. I am losing my patience with this whole payroll warrant thing. When Bill's attorney takes my deposition on December 9, I'm going to ask him what the HELL he was trying to do when he went and had the spousal support payments taken out of my payroll. I will also tell him that I will be asking that my attorney's fees for undoing that screw-up be charged to Bill. I am angry. This all was unnecessary.
At this point in time, I have been 'celibate' for six months. All of a sudden, this has become a physiological challenge. I hope it's just a phase I am going through. I don't have a big sex drive. After all, I'm almost sixty. On the other hand, though, I have been continually sexually active for over thirty five years. I had no problem with this predicament until a few days ago. Now I don't know what to do. In time, I am sure, I will get used to this. Right now it's a little tough.
Friday, November 5, 2010
November 5, 2010
Yesterday I had Jessica come over to help me get the medical records together for the cancer diagnosis and the three-week stay Bill had in the hospital last year. I had spoken to a supervisor at the insurance company explaining that since the surgery our marriage had deteriorated beyond the point of just divorce but to restraining orders and a lack of cooperation. After the stunt with my paycheck, I am not feeling too inclined to cooperate either. It took us three hours to go through the 1000 pages from Kaiser. We finally copied three pertinent pages and wrote a cover letter stating the purpose of the three pages and summing up the total for reimbursement. It should come to $12,400. It would be very nice to get it. Bill agreed, through attorneys, that he would split whatever we get. As for requisitioning any other medical records, I don't know. That will be more for the attorneys. I don't remember whether or not we had received the records for his triple bypass. I thought we had. That will be an easier one to do. All we need is the proof of a heart attack and the number of days in the hospital broken down by days in ICU and days in a regular room. Then there's the hospital stay he had about six weeks after that. Those could amount to about another $6000. My half of that would pay for the property taxes---and then some.
Today I received an envelope in my mailbox at work. It looked just like the envelope that comes on the 5th and 20th of every month notifying me that my paycheck has been deposited into my bank account. Inside was a check, a check too big to be an extra-duty check and much too small to be my paycheck. It was, however, my paycheck. A paycheck roughly the fifth of my usual paycheck. The attorney's warrant had somehow nullified my direct deposit, the full amount for a month of spousal support had been deducted, and the remainder sent to me. I called my attorney to find out what the progress was with getting it changed so that the money is deducted twice a month. I had signed the form and faxed it back to him over a week ago but it needed to be signed by both Bill and his attorney. By the end of the day my attorney was threatening to go back to court and ask for legal fees if they didn't sign. Maybe by December, I'll be back on my old payment schedule.
Today I received an envelope in my mailbox at work. It looked just like the envelope that comes on the 5th and 20th of every month notifying me that my paycheck has been deposited into my bank account. Inside was a check, a check too big to be an extra-duty check and much too small to be my paycheck. It was, however, my paycheck. A paycheck roughly the fifth of my usual paycheck. The attorney's warrant had somehow nullified my direct deposit, the full amount for a month of spousal support had been deducted, and the remainder sent to me. I called my attorney to find out what the progress was with getting it changed so that the money is deducted twice a month. I had signed the form and faxed it back to him over a week ago but it needed to be signed by both Bill and his attorney. By the end of the day my attorney was threatening to go back to court and ask for legal fees if they didn't sign. Maybe by December, I'll be back on my old payment schedule.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Dadisms
Dad tries very hard to be 'with it'. In the simplest of ways, he misses the point in a lot of conversations. Tonight he asked Laura where she got the pumpkins she had carved. (She'd really done a great job. One was a howling wolf and the other was an entire haunted house.) She said she had bought the pumpkins and had carved them using stencils. He asked what the seeds were. She said we had gotten the seeds from inside the pumpkins. He asked if they had been in a plastic bag.
A letter arrived from the investment company. About 12 years ago Dad had set up a charitable gift trust with some money he had inherited. That was a great thing about having a father who was gay and had many gay friends. Few of his friends had any children. In fact, many had been estranged from their families. They usually left everything to someone in the circle of gay friends. Over the years he had inherited a few thousand dollars here and a few there. But 12 years ago he hit the Mother Lode: the second of a gay 'couple' died and left their entire estate to Dad. This couple had lived very simply, trieying to survive off their Social Security checks, and salting away the rest of what they had ever had. Dad inherited a quarter of a million. He set up college funds for his grandchildren, an additional IRA for himself, and this charitable gift trust. The purpose of the trust was to use the increase in its value to make donations to charitable or non-profit organizations. By donating only interest earned, the trust would perpetuate itself, thus enabling us to make donations forever. Last month we donated a couple thousand to Dad's alma mater and the remainder of his annual tithe to the church. This letter was the quarterly statement. He wrote on it, "Cindy, what is this? It looks really interesting."
On the annual statement of his life insurance policy he wrote, "What is this?"
On another insurance policy, he wrote: "This looks like a come-on."
For his 90th birthday, I made Dad's favorite dishes: apricot-glazed chicken, rice pilaf, pineapple upside down cake. When we were eating it, he asked if we'd ever had it before.
A letter arrived from the investment company. About 12 years ago Dad had set up a charitable gift trust with some money he had inherited. That was a great thing about having a father who was gay and had many gay friends. Few of his friends had any children. In fact, many had been estranged from their families. They usually left everything to someone in the circle of gay friends. Over the years he had inherited a few thousand dollars here and a few there. But 12 years ago he hit the Mother Lode: the second of a gay 'couple' died and left their entire estate to Dad. This couple had lived very simply, trieying to survive off their Social Security checks, and salting away the rest of what they had ever had. Dad inherited a quarter of a million. He set up college funds for his grandchildren, an additional IRA for himself, and this charitable gift trust. The purpose of the trust was to use the increase in its value to make donations to charitable or non-profit organizations. By donating only interest earned, the trust would perpetuate itself, thus enabling us to make donations forever. Last month we donated a couple thousand to Dad's alma mater and the remainder of his annual tithe to the church. This letter was the quarterly statement. He wrote on it, "Cindy, what is this? It looks really interesting."
On the annual statement of his life insurance policy he wrote, "What is this?"
On another insurance policy, he wrote: "This looks like a come-on."
For his 90th birthday, I made Dad's favorite dishes: apricot-glazed chicken, rice pilaf, pineapple upside down cake. When we were eating it, he asked if we'd ever had it before.
Lawyer Stunt #1
The other day at work,I received a letter in my box. It was from the County Office of Education and it had 'confidential' stamped all over it, I mean ALL over it. I usually don't pay much attention to things from LACOE; they're usually items for the circular file. But the stamps told me this one wasn't for tossing. When I opened it, it said that there was some kind of action going on against one of their employees, and that employee was me. It took me a while to figure it out; it wasn't all that easy to read. Apparently, Bill's attorney took it upon himself to contact the court to have my spousal support payments deducted from my paycheck. Why would he do that after I had already set it up to have Bill paid twice a month on billpay? I had set it up on time, despite Bill's closing his back account and not notifying my attorney until the day the first payment was due. Bill was receiving $1250 checks twice a month, and had been since the end of September. This order I received from LACOE said that $2500 was to be deducted from my pay once a month on the first of every month, starting Novenber 1. So here's the problem with that: 1) Having the entire amount taken from my account at once makes it difficult for me to pay my mortgage, which costs quite a bit and 2) if you give Bill a lump sum at the beginning of the month and tell him to make it last for the entire month, he can't do it. He's horrible with money and needs to have it doled out to him in small quantities or he will blow it within two weeks and will then cry poverty to his attorney. And what will happen then? His attorney will go back to court and ask for more money, claiming his client can't exist on the paltry sum to which we have agreed. I can see it now. I, on the other hand, will argue that Bill has a gambling addiction that no amount of spousal support will ever be able to feed. And 3)if I hadn't been notified by LACOE, this would have gone into effect on November 1, resulting in me having the money deducted twice: once from the billpay I have set up and another time by LACOE deducting it from my check. And once that money would be given to Bill, I'd never see it again. I would double pay the spousal support and he wouldn't give it back.
I called my attorney. He knew nothing of this action. He wrote up an amendment to the action Bill's attorney had made. I signed it. Bill's attorney didn't call him back on it; he rarely does. I hope we can get it done. Now we get to spend more unnecessary money in attorney's fees.
Note to self: Bill's attorney is not trustworthy.
I called my attorney. He knew nothing of this action. He wrote up an amendment to the action Bill's attorney had made. I signed it. Bill's attorney didn't call him back on it; he rarely does. I hope we can get it done. Now we get to spend more unnecessary money in attorney's fees.
Note to self: Bill's attorney is not trustworthy.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
October 28
I only had to take the medication for four days, and then, and I don't know how, but it could have been a result of the power of prayer, my breathing was normal again and I was no longer feeling depressed. It is such a relief to be able to inhale and get a lungful of air. The tension is no longer in my chest. What a relief!
Dad turned 90 on the 23rd. He had a lot of anxiety going up to the day. He was worried he wouldn't make it to 90. I told him I thought he'd make it. He did.
I made him his favorite dishes for dinner: apricot-glazed chicken, rice pilaf, pineapple upsidedown cake. I also threw in some garlic bread and a salad. I used the formal china, crystal, flatware and found some damask linen napkins and tablecloth. There were only four of us but it went well. He asked me if he'd ever eaten that kind of chicken before....Yeah, I got the recipe from you, Dad. That memory---on again, off again.
I hadn't thought of having Beth and Mark down until about the 15th. They couldn't drive because Mark was doing some guy hunting trip which put Beth in a situation of flying instead of driving. But flying within 14 days of your departure date makes for a pricey plane ticket. So, Beth flew down on the 26th and we had a belated birthday celebration for Dad. On Tuesday evening we went up to Kriss's in Beverly Hills for a special birthday dinner. AS usual, Kriss had the china and crystal set out in the formal dining room with Luis serving all the courses. Is it serve from the left and take from the right? Or is it serve from the right, take from the left? Laura and Kyle went up with us. I think they had a good time but Kyle had worked a graveyard shift the night before, and he was unusually quiet. Dad was a little controlling ----- but what else is new? Since the divorce started, he has tried to assert himself as the dominant personality in the house but we either politely ignore him or try to joke him out of it.
Dad turned 90 on the 23rd. He had a lot of anxiety going up to the day. He was worried he wouldn't make it to 90. I told him I thought he'd make it. He did.
I made him his favorite dishes for dinner: apricot-glazed chicken, rice pilaf, pineapple upsidedown cake. I also threw in some garlic bread and a salad. I used the formal china, crystal, flatware and found some damask linen napkins and tablecloth. There were only four of us but it went well. He asked me if he'd ever eaten that kind of chicken before....Yeah, I got the recipe from you, Dad. That memory---on again, off again.
I hadn't thought of having Beth and Mark down until about the 15th. They couldn't drive because Mark was doing some guy hunting trip which put Beth in a situation of flying instead of driving. But flying within 14 days of your departure date makes for a pricey plane ticket. So, Beth flew down on the 26th and we had a belated birthday celebration for Dad. On Tuesday evening we went up to Kriss's in Beverly Hills for a special birthday dinner. AS usual, Kriss had the china and crystal set out in the formal dining room with Luis serving all the courses. Is it serve from the left and take from the right? Or is it serve from the right, take from the left? Laura and Kyle went up with us. I think they had a good time but Kyle had worked a graveyard shift the night before, and he was unusually quiet. Dad was a little controlling ----- but what else is new? Since the divorce started, he has tried to assert himself as the dominant personality in the house but we either politely ignore him or try to joke him out of it.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Saturday
Although I first woke up at 5:18, I was able to go back to sleep for at least two more hours. I had uncomfortable dreams about the novel I've been reading. The anti-anxiety meds I've started taking aren't really wonderful in reducing my physiological reaction to the tension but they help me sleep, thus elliminating my need for medical marijuana at bedtime. And I wonder? If I can't fall asleep on my own, which is better: medical marijuana in chocolate bar or brownie form, or Lorazapam?
I rode my bike down to Manhattan Beach, turned around and rode back. I had parked at Dockweiler, a big beach right under the take-off paths from LAX. It was good to ride far again and to reach a real destination but I long to make the complete ride down to Hermosa Beach where I feel like I've truly entered another world. I was back home before 10:00 a.m. I hadn't eaten breakfast but decided I'd rather clean out Quincy's yard, wipe down his cage and put in some carpeting for comfort when the weather is drizzly or rainy. He is bored back there; I hope to do something to make it more pleasant for him.
The day crawled on......
I scooped a lot of poop. I picked up mushy grapefruits. I swept. I tidied. It was barely noon. The kids kept talking about buying sandwiches for lunch. I went to the sheds to rearrange the things there. When I came back the kids were gone. Where's my lunch? It was 2:00 when they came back. I was reading. We ate and I asked them to help me clean the third shed. They headed off to the Westside Animal Shelter to check on the dog they had rescued out in San Bernardino. Why do they go there to visit? It's just torture. Everytime I go there, I come home crying for the sweet animals I'm unable to adopt.
Bill wrote. He wants things. Laura doesn't want to be in the middle when Bill wants stuff. We want to circumvent unnecessary legal costs but we don't want to do something that could end up with me having to pay more in the end. For instance, one day last month Bill contacted the insurance department at my district. He told them he needs a 'life saving' procedure but couldn't have it done until he was released from the coverage I have him on at Kaiser. I agreed, but in doing so, I had him taken off my dental coverage as well. This was another instance where Bill made a demand and made people feel it had to be taken care of instantly. What I didn't realize was that by taking him off Kaiser and dental, I made myself vulnerable to him claiming that he only wanted off the Kaiser, and that he wanted to stay on the dental. Now I have to get the person in the health office to write a letter saying that Bill asked to be released from all my coverage.
Today he sent Laura an email asking for a number of items. HE wasnts his desk, dressers, a flat screen and wall mount, a blender, a Bamix and a table. That's fine with me but he still hasn't taken some items we set out for him a long time ago. HE needs to take the benches from the van and other things. We're spending a lot of time packing things for him. Even after I thought I had gotten everything of his out of the house, I kept finding more and more things. It is tiring and neverending.
My down-sized mood and anxiety continue to color my perspective on everything. I feel low and time drags on slowly.
I rode my bike down to Manhattan Beach, turned around and rode back. I had parked at Dockweiler, a big beach right under the take-off paths from LAX. It was good to ride far again and to reach a real destination but I long to make the complete ride down to Hermosa Beach where I feel like I've truly entered another world. I was back home before 10:00 a.m. I hadn't eaten breakfast but decided I'd rather clean out Quincy's yard, wipe down his cage and put in some carpeting for comfort when the weather is drizzly or rainy. He is bored back there; I hope to do something to make it more pleasant for him.
The day crawled on......
I scooped a lot of poop. I picked up mushy grapefruits. I swept. I tidied. It was barely noon. The kids kept talking about buying sandwiches for lunch. I went to the sheds to rearrange the things there. When I came back the kids were gone. Where's my lunch? It was 2:00 when they came back. I was reading. We ate and I asked them to help me clean the third shed. They headed off to the Westside Animal Shelter to check on the dog they had rescued out in San Bernardino. Why do they go there to visit? It's just torture. Everytime I go there, I come home crying for the sweet animals I'm unable to adopt.
Bill wrote. He wants things. Laura doesn't want to be in the middle when Bill wants stuff. We want to circumvent unnecessary legal costs but we don't want to do something that could end up with me having to pay more in the end. For instance, one day last month Bill contacted the insurance department at my district. He told them he needs a 'life saving' procedure but couldn't have it done until he was released from the coverage I have him on at Kaiser. I agreed, but in doing so, I had him taken off my dental coverage as well. This was another instance where Bill made a demand and made people feel it had to be taken care of instantly. What I didn't realize was that by taking him off Kaiser and dental, I made myself vulnerable to him claiming that he only wanted off the Kaiser, and that he wanted to stay on the dental. Now I have to get the person in the health office to write a letter saying that Bill asked to be released from all my coverage.
Today he sent Laura an email asking for a number of items. HE wasnts his desk, dressers, a flat screen and wall mount, a blender, a Bamix and a table. That's fine with me but he still hasn't taken some items we set out for him a long time ago. HE needs to take the benches from the van and other things. We're spending a lot of time packing things for him. Even after I thought I had gotten everything of his out of the house, I kept finding more and more things. It is tiring and neverending.
My down-sized mood and anxiety continue to color my perspective on everything. I feel low and time drags on slowly.
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