Once I returned to the house, it felt like things would soon find a sense of normalcy; like a set of scales that had been knocked, life was rocking back and forth but would, in time, right itself and stay still. I knew there would be more hits ahead, the scales of life would be set rocking more times in the next several months. I also knew there would be many dirty tricks, some of which would be deliberate attempts to run up my legal fees as promised. And I was right.
After the judge gave me possession of the house, I could finally turn my attention to finishing out the school year. There was so much to be done. I still had to finish my progress reports, make certificates, acknowledge volunteers, attend IEP meetings for incoming students, finish the cum files, and do the biggest job of all: secure and close up a 1200 square-foot classroom for summer cleaning. It was a monumental task and being locked out of the house and dragged to court had taken a lot of time away from it. But that was part of your master plan: blindside me while I have heavy demands at work as well as deliberately run up legal fees, lie to the court, steal and squander assets, and threaten and intimidate wherever possible.
You did not disappoint.
Work was a pleasant distraction from the divorce. I told very few people what had happened. They were feeling sympathetic and sorry for me that you had pancreatic cancer. They didn't all know that your tumor was shrinking and that your prognosis was excellent. It can be a strange juxtaposition of feelings for people to be sad and concerned that someone has as grave a diagnosis as pancreatic cancer and then find out that person is mean and selfish. Strange, too, is realizing that horrible people get cancer. How do you parcel out your emotions when a cancer patient is also a jerk? On one level you feel compassion, on another anger. One of the first things I told my colleagues was that your tumor was responding to the chemo and was shrinking, that you would be able to have the Whipple Plus surgery, and you were going to be one of those rare people who lived ten or more years with pancreatic cancer. We know people who have lived 9 and 10 years, and I even know a man whose pan can was diagnosed early and has now lived 18 more years. Laying that groundwork made it more comprehensible to people when I later told them you were gambling, were disinclined to do anything to protect me from any fallout, and that you had chosen divorce. They were shocked and aghast when I told them you had locked me out of the house.
My students rose to the occasion during the last days of school. It all went by in a blur but the kids worked hard and even washed and packed away much of the supplies. Somehow it all got done and on the last day of school we had a beautiful presentation of certificates and a pizza party. As is my custom, I called the children up one-at-a-time and said something unique and special about each one as I passed out their certificates. It was a bit challenging to say terrific things about a couple of them, but I find I love my students, even if their actions have made it tough to be their teacher, and I manage to find the words.
On that final afternoon, after everyone had gone their way, I finished the last bits of packing and stowing. This was one year where I hadn't gotten to the point of desperation I have always called 'Stash and Dash', where I reach a level of such exhaustion that I randomly shove loose items into cupboards and closets just to be done and go home. When it was finally finished, I turned in my keys. We had had several emails about turning in keys this year, unlike in other years. There has been a high incidence of theft at schools and somehow, someone felt it was related to teachers keeping keys over the summers. It will be interesting to see if, after this mass key 'turn-in', there is less campus thefts. I left school knowing that when school resumed in the fall I would return with a new life to a new office, a new principal and a new set of students. My life would be radically different, a thought that both excited and worried me.
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