Friday, December 16, 2011

Towards a Future

Although they had my ring dipped in white gold several weeks ago, Kyle and Laura seemed to be stalled in moving forward with an engagement. He was in EMT school, she was working and trying to help him study. We hit a snag in the schooling. It turns out he is slightly dyslexic and the reading, studying and written work were overwhelming to him. He was going to class early every night and working with a study group, meeting with his teachers, etc. We made flash cards and I was helping him outline his textbook chapters but he was getting very low scores on his tests. As a 'family' project I thought the studying was great but he soon lost heart and, in time, became almost paralyzed. I know the feeling: you reach a point where you're so far behind, you're doing so poorly, you just stop. Why bother? Despite his great personality, his ability to talk to just about anybody, and his talents for what some might call 'B.S.', I could see he was defeated. I remember I had felt that way in algebra, and then again in geometry. When you don't get it, you don't get it. And when you feel that way, you give up. Laura, on the other hand, understood his predicament but didn't see how it connected to his proposal----or non-proposal, let's say. She started 'mentioning' it. She became sullen. He got annoyed and couldn't understand why she was being so bitchy, and he didn't want to propose to someone who was being so unpleasant, which made her more difficult. And so the cycle went. They were at an impasse and there was a point where I wondered if their relationship was going to splinter. Or, was this situation going to gnaw at the foundation of their trust network, maybe ruining the marriage before it even got started? I had begun to be concerned this was going on too long. After all, he had initially told me he wanted to propose on their trip to Yosemite in August.

Then there was an evening when they hashed it out. I'm not a big fan of the way they argue, but who am I to tell someone how to manage a relationship? Thankfully, they took care of it in their room. I think they both shared some very vulnerable parts of themselves and developed a new respect for one another's own struggles, and in the morning they were their old selves again. Whatever they did, they cleared the air.

The next two weeks went by and I could tell Laura was still hurt he still hadn't popped the question. Then he had a terrible absess and had to visit the emergency room a few times. She tended to him, changed the bandages, cleaned the injured site, and he was miserable with the accompanying infection. He was laid up for at least a week.

When he was well, he took her to dinner, then down to the beach with blankets, and did the deed. In the moonlight. On a clear and beautiful December evening.

We were all relieved.

Once he had made the commitment, he was happy. He was thinking of weddings and who would be the best man, where to have a ceremony, and whether or not to just go down to city hall or do the whole church thing. Life was normal again. EMT school didn't work out the way he had hoped, but they're still young. He was introduced to the staff at an office where some friends work, the owner took an immediate liking to him, and there is a possibility that for the time being, he will get to use his talents in another field. It has been hard for him not to work. It's been almost a year now. He's not the kind of guy who can sit around the house. He doesn't like not working. He has been restless and has spoken often of getting a job, but Laura has talked him out of it because his EMT school tuition wouldn't have been taken care of if he had been working. There is a baby on the way, there is a possibility of work, they are at peace. We are replacing the drop ceiling in the garage with drywall so they're staying in the house here for a while. In a couple of weeks, they'll move back out there and Laura will be able to continue her nesting. I think we might be calming down around here. It would be nice.

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