Carmi

Carmi is my dad's caregiver. She works 24/5. She is patient and appropriate with my dad, has learned when to step in and stop him when he's about to say or do something offensive, and she continues to assume more and more responsibilities around the house. She is both mentally and physically quick and strong. Her two patients prior to my dad both weighed more than 300 pounds. She managed all the care and finances of one. The second one had been mentally reduced to that of a child by the time she was hired to care for him. She does unimaginably dirty tasks tending to such things as bathrooming care and accident clean-up. She has been speaking English for only about 8 or 9 years but figures out the answers to the puzzles on Wheel of Fortune just as quickly as most native speakers. In her homeland, she is a graduate nurse. She cannot get nursing work here unless she goes back to school and then passes the nursing boards. She has been kind, respectful, helpful and generous with us, even buying Laura the new crib she wanted when Laura announced she was expecting. She has an easy way about her, an engaging laugh and and is quick to smile. She joins in conversations and is discreet with secrets. I find myself learning from this woman of strength and character.

Imagine the old Red Skelton Show's Freddy the Freeloader, multiply him times forty, and you have Carmi's family. Yes, I know it's customary for people to work in the U.S. and mail most of their money to family back home. I also know it's customary to skimp on things because the satisfaction of knowing your loved ones are cared for, well-fed, and have roofs over their heads is highly regarded in some cultures. But is it customary for members who lie about why they need money? Is it acceptable for family members to repeatedly badger a person with international calls because they want to buy a television? Here's the other thing: Carmi's older brother and sister inherited all of their parents' money and properties, spent the money, sold the properties, and never worked a day in their lives. Carmi, on the other hand, has worked for over thirty years, bought properties, built houses, established a co-op to lend seed money to farmers and she recently bought a grange. In the meantime she has also put countless siblings, nieces and nephews through school, she has paid for weddings and funerals, cars, motorbikes and trucks, and saved for her retirement. She has no credit card debt and just bought her first new car. She now is expected, by some code of ethics, to support her sister who does nothing more than sit on her rear. Carmi knows some members of her family take advantage of her but she continues to support them. She doesn't mind, she says. She doesn't expect any payment in return but would be happy if her family members were to pay it forward. She says that when she retires and returns home, her family will wait on her. They will clean her house, prepare and serve her food, and let her luxuriate in her old age. In the meantime, she is waiting on us.