Ah, Mothers

In my lifetime, I have found it an extremely high compliment when a person has told me they would like to see me with their son. It is truly a great vote of confidence. This weekend we went to stay with Kyle's paternal grandmother and her new husband in Fallbrook. Both she and her man, Dick, are easy and fun hosts.

We arrived at about 5:30 on Friday, just in time for dinner. She had just had a bridge party. (Ah, bridge, another thing I don't know how to do. What will I do if I ever end up in a retirement community? I don't play bridge or golf or mah-jongg or tennis or cribbage or gin rummy. I'll be an absolute outcast!) Even before we ate she told me I should date her son. "Why don't you start dating Jack?" (Again, is this not obvious to everyone? Date the father of the young man my daughter will probably marry? And if it doesn't work out? Have uncomfortable family get-togethers for hmmmmmmm.....the next forty years?) She did make Jack sound like a good guy though. She said he's a good dancer, he's fun (I already know that), he's handsome, intelligent, very gregarious, and (this one was almost a deal-maker) he'd never embarrass me. Someone must have given her the 411 on Bill. Fortunately, Kyle was there saying, "AWKWARD!" over and over. Kyle later pulled me aside and said, "Just watch. She's going to fix you up with one of her friends. And he'll be rich."

By the next morning things had changed. I attribute that to one of three possibilities. She changed her mind when she found out either 1) how old I am, 2)she finally 'got' the awkward part or 3)she doesn't want her son dating a Democrat.

She was telling me about a friend of hers who lives near us. He's in great shape, loves to travel, is active and has lots of money. Honestly, seriously, honestly, I have never dated a man with money and, quite frankly, think it would take me some time to get used to dating a man who would pay for everything. How do you say 'thank you'? It's just really tough for me. I am used to either paying for everything or paying for myself. I find it difficult to get used to being taken out. I hear there are men who take women on trips. My online-dating-maven friend has a new boyfriend who is taking her on a trip next weekend. That seems like a dream. Grandma, aka Tootsie, took my number and is going to give it to her friend. Being that he went to high school with Jack's dad, I think he's a wee bit older than I. Another adventure? Am I ready to try a date again?

On Sunday Toots and I had a heart-to-heart. We talked about her exes, Jack and his exes, divorce, her new husband, her happiness, dating, etc. She says she has a feeling good things are going to happen to me. I appreciate her support and kindness. I hope I can return it. Her one piece of advice: don't talk about my ex when I'm on a date. I already knew that one.

There was one thing we discussed, a question she asked me, that has given me food for thought. She said that Jack's dad left her with 3 teenagers when she was 39. He moved into an apartment in the Marina, started wearing his shirts unbuttoned with lots of gold chains, and dating younger women. Back in the 70's, we used to call guys like like that 'schlubs'. She said she was angry with him for years. I can only imagine. She asked me if I was angry with Bill for what he has done to me. My answer? yes/no. That's my answer. It's both yes and no. But mostly, I told her I was so happy with my freedom from him, that it overrides any anger I have. And he has a mental illness that, absent the side effects of the chemo, would have stayed somewhat manageable but not ever comfortable or predictable. Yeah, I have a little anger, but anger was something Bill liked. He liked to see me off-balance, as if it created intrigue and excitement in the marriage. It didn't. It created strife and tension, and lack of trust.