Cleaning Out Drawers

This weekend Laura and Kyle (and the baby) moved out. In some maternal quest to make things easier for them, I agreed to let Laura have my dresser because it matches the one Kyle took out of my extra bedroom. In doing so, I had to take everything out of my dresser and move it to the one in my bedroom. It had been basically empty since Bill left. As I was going through my top drawer, the one where I keep scarves, gloves and a million 'treasures', I found two letters. Keeping key letters is a habit of mine. That is, I keep letters that are important, that document milestones in my life---or crises. I found a letter Bill had written to me in 1999. At face value it looks sincere and full of love and regret. It sounds like it was written by a man who feels true remorse for things he has done. This is what it said: February 14, 1999 Dearest Cindy: This letter is being written on Valentines Day to profess my love for you. Also, to ask forgiveness for gambling behind your back. I love you and do not want you to agonize over my behavior any more. I give our marriage the highest priority. I know that I damage it when I am not honest with you (lying about gambling) and I put our finances at risk. Gambling has cost us money. It has also caused me to lose time from work. That is, I could have used the time to work or look for work. I know it is hard for you to understand that I endanger our marriage when I value it so much. However, my powerlessness over gambling is a sickness that has been very hard for me to control. This last episode of gambling has humbled me to an extent that I have not had an awareness of before. As I told you, I wanted to make money playing poker. Again, I was made aware that my compulsive behavior hooked with a stupidity that comes with a depressed emotional state makes me a terrible poker player. I learned this lesson. I cannot expect to make money playing poker even with an emotional state that is devoid of the highs and lows that have been there in the past. My goal for the near future is to get our family clear of debts. If everything goes well it could happen in two to three years. I promise you that poker will not interfere with this goal. Beyond the near future I need to keep in mind retirement and what my contribution will be. We should talk about this some more. Sometimes I wonder why you put up with me. I believe that you want a strong marriage and you are willing to do what is necessary to adjust and work with me through some bad times. You have a strength that has developed from when I first met you. I admire your strength and can only hope that you stay strong and that I grow with you. This setback that I caused is very humbling for me and I am ashamed that I chose to lie to you. My actions have affected Laura which I deeply regret. She does not need to grow up with the emotional problems caused by my actions. Happy Valentines Day. I love you and cherish the family that we have. Bill