Reemergence

I didn't sleep around when I was single. I was very picky about intimacy. That was unusual considering the times I attended college and the uber-liberal (and sexually-liberated) college I attended. I dated literally everybody I wanted to date. I was quite sought after. Part of it was the fascination people had with the San Francisco area back in the 60's and 70's. Everyone knew I was from that area. I dressed the part, too. I didn't have any dull evenings in the dorm. That said, I will repeat that I didn't sleep around. I couldn't imagine exchanging body fluids with someone I didn't know well and have a deep connection with. Being intimate with someone was something I did if I believed we had a strong relationship with some kind of future. So, I am going to be honest here, just spit it out, put it down on paper. I have slept with six men in my life. Yep. That's it. Six. And of those six, I look back and see that there's a split right down the middle. Of those six, three turned out to be meaningful relationships and three didn't. I have thought of the three that didn't as 'mistakes'. Obviously, two ended in marriage. As I have moved through this divorce, there have now been the reappearance of five of those six men. Why? Why now? Is there some significance to this? There is only one who is MIA and I know that he's the dean of a law school somewhere in the south. And I don't want to see that one again, anyway. He was one of the mistakes. The fifth one emerged the other evening. The last time I heard anything about him was five years ago. He moved out of the area many years ago and came to town occasionally on talent hunts for the opera company he managed in a large city in Florida. Now he lives in Michigan, is a professor at some university there, and I think he's divorced. He likes to arrange reunions of our chamber singers group to celebrate the anniversaries of the European tour we all took in the summer of '72. This summer will be the fortieth anniversary of that tour. Once again there will be a reunion. He is co-organizing this reunion for the end of this month. Oh, lucky me! One of his other co-organizers is my first ex-husband. But the good thing about this guy is that after our time together ended, we went about our lives as if nothing had ever happened. That made the European tour quite comfortable. We took two other tours with that group and there wasn't a moment of any feeling between the two of us ever again. The difficulty at this upcoming reunion is more likely to be with my first ex-husband with whom I spent twelve years and with whom I had a very bitter and OJ-like divorce. So, although I anticipate no connections, no memories, no conversations with this other man about what happened between us, I am puzzled by the timing of his reappearance, especially in light of the developments in my life over the past two years. Does this help me to better process who I am/was as a companion/lover? Is it part of a reconciliation I must do with my past? Does this force me to flash back to the pre-Bill me and figure out how I should move forward in relationships? Erase the marriages that dominated thirty eight years of your life and snap right back to the college girl? Is that what this means? Somebody help me make sense of this!