More Hurdles Behind Me

In anticipation of the reunion of the chamber singing group I toured with in college, I thought of any potentially unpleasant 'encounters'. I knew my ex-husband and a former lover were co-hosts of this bash. As I reviewed the emailed invite responses online, I noticed my ex's sister was going to attend. This was quite a surprise because in the mid 70's she had moved to New York City and launched a successful singing career there. She and her first husband had been on our big European tour in 1972. They had later divorced after he decided he preferred a gay lifestyle. After that, the sister saw no reason to stay in California. At that time few opera companies were here and even they did all their hiring out of New York. She somewhat blazed a trail for her brother and me to follow her when we moved there in 1978. But shortly after we arrived in the city, she got an artist in residence assignment (there were only 8 in the entire country) in New Hampshire. Once there on her multi-month assignment, she met a man and gave it all up to marry him, move into the converted one-room schoolhouse he called home, and spend her life keeping house and working in her garden. And this had been a woman who never left the house without an extra hairpiece and full makeup. She had rarely worn pants and often wore a merry widow under her dresses. She was in love. Her new husband and I shared a birthday and for our birthdays one year she gave us copies of Richard Brautigan's "June 30, June 30". I remembered her as strikingly beautiful, enormously talented, intellectually brilliant, and someone who had not liked me at all until after I started dating her brother. In fact, she had really, really disliked me when I first started singing in Opera Workshop scenes with her. We eventually became close, but was that because I married her brother, or did she really come to like me? I knew that the evening would answer that question. I didn't recognize her at first. She no longer wears 'extra' hair, she seems more casual, and her marriage broke up ten years ago. She is still beautiful. When she noticed I had figured out who she was, she laughed and threw her arms around me. We chatted a little with a couple of other women from the group. Later in the evening, when I was briefly alone, she came over to me smiling and said, "Talk to me." She didn't hold anything against me for what had happened between me and her brother. She seemed very open, accepting and encouraging. Time and life experiences have relaxed her. Her move to New Hampshire put her life on a very different course. She went into graphic design, opened an ad agency with her second husband, got divorced and closed the agency, then wrote, sold and designed ads for radio stations. She said that for three years after he marriage ended, she cut herself off from the world. Then, when online dating was fairly new, she met a man she calls 'Wonderful Wes', lives with him and has no desire to make another commitment. She wears a promise ring and seems very happy. Wes makes it possible for her to live the life of a comfortably retired person and she volunteers as a graphic artist for those who cannot afford to hire people to design their logos, flyers, brochures, etc. The question seemed to be answered: she did grow to like me. The other hurdles I set behind me were interacting with the ex and not feeling awkward about it. I found out that he retired from teaching the same week I did. And I think he was there at the party with another one of the women from the group. She seemed slightly uncomfortable but I was very complimentary and friendly to her. I always liked her, and if she wants to date my ex, I am very happy for her. The last hurdle was the former lover. I remembered that he was not only a player but seemed to be a guy who was missing an 'emotional chip'. Many years later the time finally came when he was ready to settle down. He is still married. He teaches at Ann Arbor while his wife lives in Orlando. Do I think he's faithful to his wife? Not for a second. I looked around the party and remembered that several of us had had affairs with Bob. In fact, it occurred to me that we all had dated him right after we arrived at the university. That was Bob, a guy who had flings with all the girls when they were new. I was no different. Bob was one of my 'mistakes'. Live and learn, and move on. That's what I did. This evening was good for me. I felt whole, healthy, and pleased with what I have done with my life. I am moving on.